Historically there have been many misconceptions around grief and bereavement. We now know that grief is a complex process of adapting to a loss – a process that is not linear, can be very unpredictable in nature and is not aiming for a ‘recovery’ ending point.
The field of grief has shifted away from a common misunderstanding of ‘letting go’ or ‘detachment’ from the deceased and instead recognises it can be healthy to try and maintain some sort of symbolic bond with the person who has died. This can be done in a way that is unique to each individual and serves a certain meaningful purpose. Some suggestions are:
- Keeping photos of the person around to remember them
- Talking to them – either out loud or in your head
- Writing letters to the person either through journaling, on a computer or through actual letters
- Incorporating loved ones into special events and days – this can be done by acknowledging they are not there or setting a place for them
- Partaking in a hobby or activity which they used to enjoy
- Talking about the deceased person with people who never knew them well
- Finishing a project they were working on
Engaging in activities or rituals that honour your loved one can help to keep their memory alive- allowing you to feel a sense of continued connection to them. It’s important to note continuing bonds need to be considered within a cultural context and there’s a need to be mindful if the continued bond becomes unhelpful for the bereaved.
Another significant component of grief and bereavement is an acknowledgement of the large cognitive processing that occurs alongside emotional processing. There is a growing awareness which highlights the importance of the reconstruction of meaning after a significant loss. Grief can challenge how someone perceives themselves and the world around them, particularly if the loss is sudden or traumatic like in road trauma. For example, if you thought you were safer driving a 4WD vehicle and someone you love dies after a crash in one – this could disrupt how safe you feel and challenge your worldview that driving in a 4WD is a safer option. If the experience goes against the person’s worldview, then trying to make sense of what has happened and why can make processing more difficult and distressing.
There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach to grief and bereavement with each person and circumstance being unique. It’s important to remember that good support from family and friends after a loss is crucial to supporting you in the grief process. Experiencing a loss after road trauma can be a challenging time – if you feel you need additional information or resources, please reach out to our friendly team to discuss how we can best support you and your unique situation.
Sources:
Field NP (2006). Unresolved grief and continuing bonds: an attachment perspective. Death Studies 30 739-756.
Klass D, Silverman PR, Nickman SL (eds) (1996). Continuing bonds: new understandings of grief. Washington: Taylor and Francis.
Neimeyer RA, Sands DC (2011). Meaning reconstruction in bereavement: from principles to practice. In: RA Neimeyer, DL Harris, HR Winokuer, Gordon F Thornton (eds). Grief and bereavement in contemporary society: bridging research and practice (9-22). New York: Routledge.